Democracy

Democracy is one the most important ideas in modern Western society, it is an idea fought for in Britain, the USA and even some little countries in the Middle East are fighting for democracy, completely of their own accord and not even a little bit forced into it. And I think the evidence of recent conquests proves just how loved democracy already is by everyone in the Middle East and how thankful they are to the West for introducing them to this brilliant new idea.

'Democracy' is formed of two ancient Greek words 'cracy' meaning power and 'demos' meaning the people, therefore meaning 'power of the people'. It also explains bootleg Hispanic B-Sides of Syd Barrett (Cracy demos/Crazy Demoes in a Mexican accent, get it? I'm funny...).

Democracy has come under threat in the West though with the rise of political apathy. People have become disengaged from politics. Some blame the increased media influence on politics making all politicians look like hollow liars (which gives me a business idea; hollow chocolate liars - I for one would buy an edible Gordon Brown). But the real blame, as we all know, lies with Tony Blair and George W. Bush. Because everything's their fault isn't it? I mean Iraq, poor health services, the reintroduction of God into everyone's lives (I was getting along fine without him now he's bloody everywhere! Literally apparently), the rise in street crime and, I've heard, they even caused bird flu and SARS as a plot to kill anyone who doesn't like them. One of those is so far unsubstantiated though. There was poor health in the early nineties anyway. And also they're just really annoying, its like they should be a comedy duo: tall and idiot, barrister and idiot, warmonger and idiot, God-botherer and God-bothering idiot. Perfect comedy material.

Another problem with democracy is the way its used in everyday speech. For example both Bush and Blair always talk about the spread of democracy around the world when it can't by definition be forcibly spread, its simply against the meaning of the word. It comes from the Latin 'demoria' meaning spread (also applicable to Marmite and STDs) and 'crackia' meaning can't be. Ergo they're wrong. The Democratic Republic of the Congo is also a good example: it is not democratic, it is not a republic and I even doubt its in the Congo. We'll wake up one day to hear on the news that the government of the Congo has been overthrown and the entire nation was actually an encampment just outside Huddersfield.

We know democracy to be problematic but is there any other real option? Churchill once said that democracy was the worst form of government except all the others that had been tried from time to time. But I always prefered Attlee anyway.

Anyway, its getting late and I have failed to think of a single joke for this entire blog so I shall end with this conclusion: If democracy really is the best form of government why haven't the penguins implemented it already? They are by far the most advanced species on the planet; they discovered global warming thousands of years before us and have been purposefully parting in order to melt the ice caps so they can have a bigger swimming pool. You know it makes sense. And so to conclude: Fuck democracy, I'd take Pingu over John Stuart Mill any day.